Ok, I am back where I left off now that the PMS has left the building..
Border Patrol had so many questions which they probably wished were not honestly answered...but who hasn't seen a vibrator before? and why would you press the button? What did they expect from a chick with fancy glasses and a Russian mail order bride vintage coat...I get it, I really do...a passport with more stamps than someone on Antique Roadshow...I was not trying to enter the country to take away Kate's title...I just wanted to come back because I prefer guys with castles over cabins...I was asked more questions than a Harvard applicant, but I was complying because I thought at least Heathrow Airport would be as desirable as Downton Abbey...but it was more like Game Of Thrones. Even though I did not commit a crime, immigration did not want me to flee so I was kept under lock and key...I couldn't even have lip balm...I wish I was Jason Bourne enough to escape by petroleum jelly.
Once the UK officers made a final decision that I should go back to America because they didn't trust I would ever leave England, I was sent back to the US on the next flight...28hrs later...I just wanted to go home and cuddle my cat like all 40yr old single women should...I got finger printed, made many phone calls (Sorry Kath and Aidan for the $400 phone bills), had a dear friend Suresh try to finagle his way in (I even offered to donate a kidney) and still ended up with a chick from Hong Kong that did calisthenics and slept with her Nemo stuffed fish...
Once I got to the "Detention Center", it was like sleeping in a asylum sorority house...the non prison women were lovely, and I appreciated the spacial relationship between the barbed wire and the locked windows...but I was disappointed in the wireless accommodations...
My Tylenol PM has set in...I am one Lifestyle Network away from drooling on myself...see you in the am..I am almost done. I promise
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